Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Yarn Aboard!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

'Tis Meriwether and --

What? I don't know any Mary.

No, sir. We are Meriwether Lewis and William Clark.



Sorry, dudes, but whatever you're selling, I don't need any. Wouldja mind moving on? I'm kinda busy right now.

Sir, we're sorry for bothering you, but we seem to have become lost.

Dudes, go down to the corner. There's a bus stop and a map with all the bus routes.

Sir, please. We've been wandering for days. We have asked many strangers for assistance, and no one will help us. Everyone is speaking a language we don't understand, and we fear we have wandered into the Spanish territory.



Dudes, you are Very, Very Lost. That isn't Spanish, it's French. And you're in Canada, not the Spanish territory, whatever the heck that is.

Oh, my, we are much worse off than we previously thought. Please, sir, would you render us a kindness and assist us in regaining our way?

Dudes, I don't know what kind of game you're playing here, but if you don't move along I'm gonna call the cops. Go find some other scam -- this one is kind of lame.

Sir, we have no scam, whatever the heck that is, as you might say, but if you would but give us a moment of your time, we do have trade goods to recompense you for your efforts. We can offer you some wonderful tea and --



Tea, didja say? Well, umm, yeah, I could use some tea about now, but, you know, I'm really too busy to stop for tea right now.

Sir, we also have chocolate, which is a confection that is savoured --

Chocolate? Why didn't you say that in the first place? Come on in.

(a few minutes later, over a nice cuppa and a munch of sweetness)

Dudes, according to this map, all you hafta do is head south and west, and you'll eventually get where you're trying to go. It might take you a few days, but you'll get there. Hop on the No. 7 bus and transfer at the --

Sir, we know naught of any bus. To be honest, this strange country of yours has us totally befuddled. You have strange, hard pathways with eery lights and --

Yeah, well, all you hafta do is just walk along one of them pathways and stick out your thumb, like this. Someone will give you a lift eventually.

Sir, we beg of you. We are finding the language here difficult, and navigation next to impossible. Whatever path we take, they all seem to lead to a territory strangely called "Construction." Given your familiarity with this area, if you might take us only to the border of your Canada and our --

Take you to the border? Are you nuts? That's like an hour and a half away. The train station is just over --

Sir, please, we realize you are busy, but if we are only an hour and a half off our route, that is most wonderful news! We have other goods we can trade for your assistance. We have a wondrous letter-writing material, with incredibly beautiful pictorials of spun fibre that can be --

Spun fibre? You guys are starting to get a little more interesting. I kinda have a thing for "spun fibre." Those are really nice note cards. I guess I could give you a lift to the train station.

Sir, you drive a hard bargain. We need to get to the border, not a "station." Perhaps we can barter some livestock --

Dudes, I don't want any livestock. Trust me on this. I really don't need livestock.

Sir, this livestock is of a rare variety that you may have heard about but which you undoubtedly will not have seen previously. You may actually find it to be very useful, given your propensity towards the fibres.

Aww, dudes. That is so cute. Look at his liddle measuring tail just a'wiggling away. Err, ahem.

Okay, tell you what. I'll take you to the station and make sure you get on the right train, but I'm not going all the way to the border. That's too far, and I just don't have the time right now. If I were you, though, since you seem to be in such a hurry, I'd probably fly. Rather than a coupla days, you'd be back in Oregon in a few hours.

Sir, are you mocking us? You want us to fly like a bird? We beg of you, take our plight seriously. The American Congress has authorized us to --

Whoa, dudes, I am NOT getting involved in some international incident. Why didn't you say you were feds? I'm gonna turn you over to the embassy and they can ponder your problem. That should give them bureaucrats something to do for a coupla months.

Sir! You offer to assist us, and then you threaten to detain us? Your moods are most mercurial. We are not "feds", as you say. We have a commission to fulfil, and we must be on our way as expeditiously as possible. Perhaps you will reconsider if we offer you a bag.

A bag? Dudes, I'm gonna bag you if you don't --


Oh. That kind of bag. Wow. Look at that. You know, I think I could actually think of a purpose for a beautiful, hand-made bag like that. Yeah, it'll come in pretty handy. It's the perfect size for what I have in mind, the colours are fantastic, and the craftmanship excellent. Ok, no embassy. We're back to the train station.

Sir, you do indeed drive a hard bargain. We almost wish we would have started our journey with you in our Corps of Discovery. Perhaps our trading would have --

Dudes, I don't want nothing to do with no corpse. If you're going to get all weird, you can leave right now.

Sir, you misunderstand. Very well. You leave us no choice. We will offer you the finest trade goods we have in return for conduct to the border. We will give you .... Toast.

You are the strangest little dudes I have ever met. I can make plenty toast all on my own, thank you very much.

This is special toast, Sir, made by a woman in the fine state of Virginia.

Oh, great, stale toast that you've dragged all the way from Virginia to the "Spanish territory." Forget it.

Sir, this woman, by the name of Claudia, is world-renowned for her expertise. I think you will reconsider once you see this Toast.


Grab your coats, dudes. We'll hafta gas up before we leave town.

Credits:

Fun courtesy Amanda, host of Yarn Aboard -- thank you, Amanda!

A most excellent Yarn Aboard package courtesy Allison , enabler extraordinare -- thank you very much, Allison!!

52 people had something to say:

anne said...

hee-hee! i do love the yarn—very very beautiful.

HPNY Knits said...

ah! but for the kindness of strangers and the generosity of foreigners!
:-)
great loot, especially the lovely yarn.

StarzAbove said...

Love it! What a lovely way to share :-)

limedragon :-: Harriet said...

Wonderful narrative, wonderful package! That's some yummy toast! : )

Kelly said...

SEND THEM MY WAY!!! I WANT TOAST!!
heheh cute!

Nora said...

Dude, it all became a blur after the "liDDle measuring tail". I can't see through the tears. I'll have to come back later...

Paula said...

Dave, you crack me up. What a fun way to be made late this morning. Thanks.

Jeff said...

Dave- what a great post! This was the perfect way to wake up this morning and look at all those goodies.

lexa said...

Love your post - cool little sheepy. Your toast is much more interesting than mine.

Dee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dee said...

The Toast is gorgeous. I had never heard of Claudia Handpaints until yesterday. My sister sent me DK weight Blue Terra Cotta (pics on my blog). Isn't that stuff awesome --- soooo soft!

amanda said...

so this is the absolute best yarn aboard post EVER! seriously, you had me laughing and trying not to snort hot tea at the same time. the toast, the tea, the livestock, all absolutely lovely -- allison did a fantastic job! enjoy it all and thanks for the great laugh!

Rachel said...

Hilarious! I admire your skilled bartering. Enjoy your new foodstuffs, livestock, and toast!

earthchick said...

tee hee

Nice haul. Please send those dudes my way. ;)

turtlegirl76 said...

What a fun post! You're almost as wacked out as me =) In a good way.

trek said...

Hey, Dave, that's one of the best blog posts I've ever read! Loved it. And would you mind sharing some of your Toast and Tea?

Ramona said...

Hey, I live in Spanish territory (Or what used to be). It's nice down here and not so cold. I love your package of goodies!

aija said...

Great post! :)

Deborah said...

I so want the world to function like that!

KnitNana said...

ROFLOL! I love the Toast, too...and the bag, and the tea and the chocolate. I don't blame you for helping out the "feds!"
(((hugs)))

Kristen said...

They should have busted out the Toast first. Then you could take them to Tim Horton's and blow their travelly little minds, man.

aquaknits said...

Hilarious post and wonderful haul!! Strange dudes on your doorstep to bribe you with goodies sounds like a great way to start your day!

Alyson said...

Ahhh, you're terribly clever! (Dude, yarn? Freakin' awesome.)

Emily said...

Wahahahaha! I know you'll cherish that Claudia Hand Paint (another of my many favorite yarns) - Allison really is the perfect Yarn Aboard pal!

Anonymous said...

Dude~

That was one amusing post. Thanks for the fun!

~Suz~

Jennifer said...

Inspired post! Thanks for starting out my day with a chuckle.

Allison said...

Wow! Dave, had I known that you would write such an interesting blog post about the package I sent, I would have tried to send some REALLY creative items!
This is one of the best blog posts I've read in a long time- so creative! Not your average "this is what this person sent" post. Very cool!

Teyani said...

one of the best, most creative blog posts I have ever read- thanks for the amazingly good laugh this morning!
intelligent, clever AND creative.
This post should be entered in Yarnival.

Laura said...

THE best swap thank you post I have ever read. I agree with Teyani. Submit it to Yarnival! :)

moirae said...

Great post! I really enjoyed myself and that's gorgeous Toast. I can't wait to see it knit up!

Leah said...

What a fabulously creative post! And you drove a hard bargain with them there explorers! Enjoy your tea and toast! That Claudia Hand paint is exquisite, is it not? I used it for my Toasty Toes socks and can't wait to knit a pair for myself!

Abigail 1870 pearl said...

Bravo! Bravo! Truly an excellent tale indeed:D

Congrats on such a delightful box of goodies.

Anonymous said...

Hee hee! Even the non-knitting loved one enjoyed this post!

Rhonda said...

Oh yur so funny ... and OMG that yarn is so beautiful! I had never heard of TOAST ... but it made my toes tingle when I saw it. And those 2 guys almost held on to it ... but you drove a hard bargain. What a wonderful haul! (& a very funny story) tehe

--Deb said...

Great box o'loot you got there, and . . . what a conversation! Love it....

Paul said...

What a great post! Thanks!

Mr. Clothesknit said...

Looks like LSU purple and gold socks to me! Geaux Tigers...Mr. Clothesknit says...Lewis and Clarke done good cher...

Kat said...

Great post. AND I don't think I've ever seen Toast look so yummy.

JessaLu said...

Too funny - great post! ;o)

Carole said...

Fabulous and creative! What a great post for Yarn Aboard!

Magatha said...

Very entertaining twist on the "look what I got" post. Always good quality here!
I have some of that Claudia woman's yarn too, in Jungle.

DEEP END OF THE LOOM said...

What a post, totally enjoyed it, I always do. I think the yarn was awesome, I hope your working with it, I'd love to see it knitted up.

Thanks for the entertainment and great knitting.

Birdsong said...

A delightful and entertaining saga. I found you following Carole's post about the Yarn Aboard troubles and am glad to see the "good side" of this creative swap adventure working out for you and others. Great haul, too.

Say said...

Thank you! I laughed my head off at this earlier in the week! As another commenter said, "enjoy your tea and toast!"

Daisy said...

Hi Dave,
I'd like to join a sock club from the U.S. but am unsure about getting dinged by customs for the $5.00 fee and the GST/PST. Are you charged often, just sometimes or never? Thanks.

margene said...

Now how am I going to follow that? Messrs Louis and Clark have arrived in the land of beautiful mountains and salty lakes. Thank you so much for everything. I can't wait to dive in to the cashmere/merino or MamaE's fabulous yarn. I'm savoring the chocolate, too. It's all fabulous. Thank you again!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh first thing in the morning!

Debby said...

What a great post! Thanks for making us laugh and exhibiting the best of that Yarn Aboard spirit!

Paula said...

Great post!! :) I am still giggling.
What fantastic gifts, I love the little sheep!
Your Lewis and Clarke skit reminded of this 'Corps of Discovery' knitted hat pattern I saw a long while ago online or in a magazine and now I can't find it anywhere.

Madalyn said...

Mmmmm... DeBrand chocolates!!! Those are my favorites.

Amy said...

Hands down, best Yarn Aboard post ever!

Doll said...

Found your blog while hopping around. Absolutely love the way you write. What wonderful things to come to you! Awesome!!

Hugs from Stittsville...aka Ottawa West.